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Friday, May 28, 2010

Being the White Half

We have a few "Newbies" as fans and there are a few things that I think you should catch up on:  This is one of my favorite post about myself and I really open up here - Enjoy...
First off I wanna take a min. to say that I Lucked into the most wonderful man in the world.
Over the years I have had 3 of the worst relationships, the first 2 would rival even Ike Turner and the second of the 2, I swear was the Son of Satin. The 3rd was the biggest mind fucking scrub in the world. I guess I had paid my dues and one day Pito came out of no where when I needed him the most. He has made such a change in my life that even my Doctor noticed a huge difference in me. Also, just the other day I ran into someone who had known me during my 2nd relationship who said and I quote "You look really different and happy" - you have no idea how that made me feel.
I love you P and Thank You for making such a difference in my life, I'm here until the end Baby Boy.

Ok, all that being said - here goes.
I was an only child, my Mother was a piece of work that only cared about the next dick. She had horriable taste in men and her 2ed husband had literially knocked her teeth down her throat and beat me in the back a few times. In the begining She had literly dropped me off on Both sets of Grandparents doors before I was even 1. Some how I lived with her off and on until the age of 7 or so, the last was on my Grandparents Farm in a Trailer. I had been in 5 different schools before the 2nd grade and had no idea how to get along with anyone. I was 1 of 2 of the fat kids in school - you know the ones, no one likes and everyone picked on (the funny thing was that even the other fat kid and I didn't get along either). I hated school and the other kids, everyday I would pray that Mom would stay true to her form and move us again, I'd get a new school and everything would be better.

Well one day I was partiallly right, while ridding home from school on the bus I seen our Trailer being pulled down the road. When the bus dropped me off on the farm I was so happy, we were finally out of here. My face dropped when I found out Mom had left me to stay with my Grandparents. She claiming of course that My Grandfather wouldn't allow her to take me (there may be some truth to this) and of course this cause instant hatred towards both my Grandpa and Grandma. (Looking back now, I am so grateful to them and miss them so much.)

At the age of 13, I had been molested by my 45year old Boy Scout Master and that really fucked me up. When I turned 15 it was all over, my Grandparents couldn't controll me any longer and one day I just ran away. A few day later I wound up in a psych unit where I got some of my self esteme back and was made a ward of the court. I spent the next few years in a childrens home where I finally got a new school and learned to make some friends. It was really one of the most positive experiences in my younger life! At 18, I had a job, some money saved and the state let me go and I never looked back.

Things were up and down through out my life, I even ended up living in my truck once with a dog, a cat, and no job. I never gave up and did what I had to do. I put myself though collage, got a kick ass job, car, house - I feel like I've done pretty well for myself. But my Man has been the best thing to happen to me to date!
Now, I'm not a bad looking dude - getting a little long in the tooth, but still holding my own and looking damn good especially compaired to some dudes my age. I've spent the last 16 months in the gym Faithfully, I've went from 225lbs of muscle-less fat to 185lbs of muscle and some fat. (Take a look dudes, my chest is poppin and I'm showing a 4 pack easy!)

With all this, I still hear wispers - why is that dude with the white guy, he could do so much better. People will tell me I don't know how lucky I am to have a man like Pito. They tell him that they could make him forget about me. When we are in the gym, everyone is always looking at him and barely notice me. They say, "I'd do the wht guy to get the blk one". Even on Facebook, I'd make a serious post and get a handfull of comments. My man will post that the sun is shinning and get 75 commments. Most of the White people call me a ______ lover, and the Black ones call my man a sell out. I think what kills me the most is when another Africian American will hit my man up thinking that the two of them should have some bond that is stronger that Pito and Myself. Like I'm some fucking Dog you spend time with until a Real Bruh comes along.
Somehow I feel like that fat little kid again that no one likes and it dosen't feel good. I have said Goodbye to Facebook, at least for now - and I'm really re-thinking this web site/porn thing. It seems that I would be the "token" White boy. Something to show being fucked by Big Black Stud.
I already have an identy that I'm proud of and I'm sure not taking a step down.
Until I figure this out, Peace!

Rick Talons


  1. Wow Rick; loved your post; so raw and honest. You hit on alot of the main issues of black/white (and with some similartities to other interracial) relationships. You should check out; even if there is not a chapter near you, you can connect there with lots of good guys. I hate that such an organization even has to exist in this day and age, but human progress is slow, eh? In B/W relationships, couples can get caught in the middle of haters from all "sides" if they're not careful to protect their relationships.

    I will miss you on Facebook but I don't blame you; and I think you are very wise to reconsider the website/porn thing as well to protect your hard-earned self-esteem and your relationship. Is there a way to subscribe to this blog even if you don't continue the porn stuff?

    I'm glad you and Pito found each other; you guys have both had your ups and downs, so your strong love for each other inspires and gives hope.

    Big Hug


  2. i found this post wonderful and very sad a bit in the history part.
    When i ran into your profile in dudesnude didn't think to fall into something so mind-blowing and deep.
    I know that this is just some text for you, but i will support you cos you look a very good person.

  3. Message to Rick: believe in yourself, stay grounded, be true to Your Man, and FUCK all else. Don't give a damn what others say, just keep fighting the good and righteous fight.

  4. Wow, Rick this why you're such a great roll-model, a true inspiration to us all. After going through all that, you keep pressing on and never giving up. Even when is seemes like there is no light at the end of the tunnel. Growing up I got picked on by my people, some of my family members and my father for hanging out with other races. I never really felt like I belonged. Mostly centered on me hanging out with my black friends at school. Don't get me wrong not all of my people are like this; just most of the ones I went to school with. I just didn't like hanging out with them, they always seem to have that chip on their shoulders. Telling racist jokes about black people whenever they got the chance. When I was chillin with my black friends, I never heard any of that. They excepted me, for being me. Of course there were still some that distrusted me because some of the things my people did. After a while I earned their trust and I'm still pretty close with some of them. Who I consider as close as family. What I'm getting at is this, there's going to be prejudice people where ever you go. Who's only problem seems to be jealousy. Over you having something they will never experience; as long as they think the way they do. You have such a beautiful and loving marriage. Something So rare these days, I'm sure everyone here would say they hope to find that kind of love one day. Hopefully sooner than later hahaha. Just brush if off the shoulders man, they ain't got shit on you. These Haters will always be Haters. Let them wallow in their grief, for Misery loves company.

    I'd like to ask you a few questions on some other subjects and could use some advice from an Inspiring person like yourself. If you could hit me up on facebook, you can find me listed as Sergio Sierra